Remember those days when I would fight to the death over Byakuya (or even further back, over Itachi)? Remember those days where I was so competitive and angry about it that I won every fight I got into, because I was strong? Remember when I was arrogant, remember when I was confident?

Those days are long gone.
All it took was one little OC to shatter me into pieces. I had let nothing bother me before. I would counter it with all my might, but... this little OC shattered my world.
This person, through soft, deceitful wiles, penetrated my heart and poisoned it, and watched me destroy myself.

I have no idea what was or what is going through her head. I don't know if she is secretly laughing at my despair or if she is truly apologetic about what she's done to me.

But that doesn't matter. That little OC has shoved Yorume from her steady climb to the top. I wanted to promote Yorume. I had lots of art to submit of her. I was on a roll, steadily gaining fans of my work... even though they were few, it was a start.
But this little OC shot her down, shot her down like a majestic swan is shot by a hunter...

Once, the creator of this OC asked me if taking her OC down would make me feel better and get me back up on my feet. I wanted so desperately to say yes, because it truly would get me up on my feet... but I said no.
WHY did I say no?! Because I was too kind! I was too afraid of being called selfish! That's why I never request anything from anyone, because I feel so guilty afterward.
WHY DIDN'T I SPEAK MY MIND?! WHY DIDN'T I TAKE MY ONLY CHANCE TO GET BACK UP?! To have the weight lifted from my chest?!

That doesn't matter. What matters is I didn't. So the pain continued to batter me until I was in the sad state I'm in now. I can't draw. I can't write. I can't eat. I can't drink. I can't sleep. I can't cry either. All I can do is hide in my room, the only sanctuary I've got left... my safe haven. I just lay there on my bed, petting my cat if he's there, or holding my Byakuya plushie close to my heart.

Don't worry. I won't kill myself. The worst I'll do is hurt myself, and even that won't be too serious.

I'm sorry, but it is my time to dissapear.